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It's All Been Done Before

Fun fact: I have a love of 90s music. I really do. Actually, it goes farther than that; I have very specific Pandora stations I have created over the past 8 or 9 years -- 90s pop, 50s rock, 90s country, 80s...you name it. I have Big Band Stations and Boogie Woogie Stations and Frank Sinatra (both holiday and not) stations to fit every mood I could possibly have.

I'm listening to the song "It's All Been Done" by the Barenaked Ladies as I type this. (Second fun fact: If I hear too many of their songs, I have the sudden impulse to watch the American Pie movies.)

I knew you before the fall of Rome...I knew you before the west was won...

So true for my life today. I don't think most people know, as I typically don't share much of my life with, well, anyone, that I spend the majority of my time writing.

I have written two full books since my kids started going to school (after homeschooling) 3 years ago. I actually wrote one book completely twice (and then chunked it) and had another book I've rewritten so many times I no longer know the plot.

My daughter asks every day on the way to school, "What are you doing today?"

My reply is usually, "Working on my book."

"Which one?"

"The one I've been working on."

"You have too many you're working on. There's the one with Mara and the one with Peggy and the one about the kids in the woods. There's the one with that town and the other one with the girl working that job."

Me: "It's the one about the girl whose sister was murdered."

Fiction writing is very different from nonfiction writing. People used to tell me I was GOOD at nonfiction. I had a literary agent back in my old sarcastic journalist days; I had several editors who were interested in books, but we were never able to sell my proposal.

It is really funny because SJ is really such a part of my past. Sure, those experiences are still in some small part of my mind, but I've moved on. My kids don't really know (or understand) what happened or went down with the website. I'd say most of my friends do not know about it.

It is funny to think about some of the people I knew as SJ. I actually got my very first example of a proposal from Jen Lancaster herself. Jen's a big deal; sometimes I really can't believe she was kind enough to say, hey, here's my proposal! Learn from it!

The Bloggess (Jenny) approached me at an airport. Of course, that's before she became huge. Several years ago, my sister-in-law told me, "you have to read this book." I just looked at her and said, "you know, I met her a long time ago. She knew who I was." (Which is still kind of crazy to think about.)

Of course, they're both big-time writers now. Me? I'm still slogging along in fiction land, trying to keep my head above water as I write every day. Writing fiction, for me, feels so good. I love the feeling of creating a whole world and making it happen. It also makes me feel incredibly insecure (something I never really had with nonfiction) about my abilities.

I am currently in the midst of self-publishing one fiction book. I have some beta readers looking at a second-- I think I'll (once again) give it the old college try with an agent. When that doesn't work, I am sure I will end up self-publishing that, as well.

On good days, writing feels exhilarating. It feels like standing at the beach, the water nipping at your toes, a slight breeze in your hair as the sun sets in the horizon. Perhaps a few friendly sea otters swim by and wave.

On bad days, it feels like a marathon, the kind where you wear Doc Martens and a head to toe hazmat suit. It feels like 24 hours in a sauna, like the flu...like self-inflicted torture.

I live for the good days. I love the good days. I love when I can sit down at type 4,000 words without batting an eye. I hate the bad days, the days when 50 words are too much, the days where I second-guess everything and drag myself around the house, just willing the universe to help me out, already.

I've suggested to my daughter (she's 14 and quite the reader AND movie lover) that perhaps she would like to write a book or movie.

She politely told me (in very firm words) that no, that will never happen as I make it look like the most horrible thing in the world.

Sometimes I think it would be easier to go back to non-fiction. But...for what? As the Barenaked Ladies said...it's all been done before. Therefore, I shall keep slogging around in fiction land, where most of my efforts feel about as useful as throwing Jello at a wall and hoping it sticks.

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