Skip to main content

Not So Golden Girl

Several years ago, when our children were firmly footed in childhood (not babyhood, toddler-hood or preschool-hood), I started receiving ads and coupons from Target.

Ads for diapers. Bottles. Baby clothes.

My husband looked at me, in my mid-30s and so done with baby things, and raised an eyebrow. "Is there something I need to know?"

Like a teen caught with alcohol in her closet, I shook my head. "No! No! I have NO IDEA why they are sending me diaper ads!"

Those aren't even mine! I'm just holding them for a friend!

I'm sure I fit whatever box Target thought made a new mother: In my 30s, in the 'burbs, shops at Target. Needless to say, Target didn't realize I'm not typical: I started having babies much younger than most people and now, in my 30s, I have a teen and a tween, thankyouverymuch.

I know that my purchases and everything else is tracked. It bothers the ever living hell out of me, but I know this. The people at Amazon could probably look at my shopping history and figure me out quickly.

I get it.

But...recently. I opened up an email from the website Her Room (basically a bra/underwear type place) to see something I wasn't ready for:

Grandma pajamas.

This is a website that has bras, panties, swimwear, shape-wear and "sexy lingerie."

They send me a link for bed jackets (which is filed up under "other sleepwear"). Bed jackets are basically jackets for sleeping. They look like jackets, they just are in a pajama material.

I thought to myself that this looked like Carol Brady (Brady Bunch) pajamas. No, says Google. She wore slightly more sexy PJs.

Apparently, in the world of Spanx, shapewear, people Photoshopping themselves to death on Instagram, being a normal person wearing normal undergarments (functional, thanks, yeah, I know) makes me geriatric.

You know what? Fine. The Golden Girls are back with a vengeance these days. I've actually watched many episodes. They are much more risque than I remembered during my original viewing in the 80s and early 90s.

At 38, you want to pin me into being old? Fine. If you're gonna make me be a Golden Girl, I choose Blanche. (Well, with a little bit of Dorothy, Sophia and Rose mixed in.)

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Channeling My Inner Kevin Gnapoor

When my kids were very little, I had a lot of trouble functioning throughout the day. I was very young myself and having eight or nine hours with two very small people tended to throw me for a loop. I did all sorts of crazy things to keep them entertained (Painting with pine cones! Sitting outside the library and reading ALL the books we picked out! Riding bike to the pool!) but, still...that's a lot of time to kill. My husband suggested we get a schedule. Have a set plan for every day. Of course, my being the idiot that I am, I took it extremely literally. (Why I have a penchant for to interpret things in a literal sense is lost on me.) From 9 to 9:30 we play puzzles! From 9:30 to 9:45 we color! Things like that. Except...at 9:15 we were done with puzzles and the colors were missing and OH MY GOD WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE HERE. Quick, hurry kids, someone snap a picture of Mom so that she looks good in the photo that will make the news. Oh wait, no, I am still wearing a pa
Post a Comment
Read more

Black Magic Mirror

I was the queen of short shorts in high school. Honestly, I didn't understand the concept of dress code and short lengths (to your fingertips, ladies!) and how they applied to me. Here's the rule: Your shorts had to be longer than your fingertips, plain and simple. Every single time I wore shorts to school (and every single time I got in trouble for them), I'd exclaim that "I have long arms and short legs! They don't make shorts that long!" It is true; I do have long arms and short legs. It isn't true that they do not make shorts that long. I just didn't want to wear them. Therefore, most of the time I wore jeans to school, though I had plenty of opportunities of sitting in the principal's office or getting sent home for my wardrobe. Every single one of my friends was capable of complying with the code, but not me. I always laugh when I hear the Mase (90s) song where it says, "I'm the reason they made the dress code." I smile
Post a Comment
Read more

Moo Moo Buckaroo

There are several things that have made me give the side eye since I've become a mother to a girl. First, there's the concept of leggings as pants. Not even the "athleisure" type of leggings; no, I'm talking about straight on I can see your pantyline run-of-the-mill cotton leggings. I know it's a thing. It still drives me nuts. The second thing is really something that has bothered me for most of my life-- the concept of aiming a product towards a woman through marketing. Seems to me, recently, that aiming towards women isn't enough; now we must market a product to certain types of women and girls.  We were at Walgreens the other day playing the never-ending game of Things We Need to Do Now That School Has Started. This round involved sports physicals. I was walking down the aisle when something caught my eye: tampons. Not just any tampons, but tampons for "athletic" girls. Would someone please tell me how a tampon could possib
Post a Comment
Read more