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Not So Golden Girl

Several years ago, when our children were firmly footed in childhood (not babyhood, toddler-hood or preschool-hood), I started receiving ads and coupons from Target.

Ads for diapers. Bottles. Baby clothes.

My husband looked at me, in my mid-30s and so done with baby things, and raised an eyebrow. "Is there something I need to know?"

Like a teen caught with alcohol in her closet, I shook my head. "No! No! I have NO IDEA why they are sending me diaper ads!"

Those aren't even mine! I'm just holding them for a friend!

I'm sure I fit whatever box Target thought made a new mother: In my 30s, in the 'burbs, shops at Target. Needless to say, Target didn't realize I'm not typical: I started having babies much younger than most people and now, in my 30s, I have a teen and a tween, thankyouverymuch.

I know that my purchases and everything else is tracked. It bothers the ever living hell out of me, but I know this. The people at Amazon could probably look at my shopping history and figure me out quickly.

I get it.

But...recently. I opened up an email from the website Her Room (basically a bra/underwear type place) to see something I wasn't ready for:

Grandma pajamas.

This is a website that has bras, panties, swimwear, shape-wear and "sexy lingerie."

They send me a link for bed jackets (which is filed up under "other sleepwear"). Bed jackets are basically jackets for sleeping. They look like jackets, they just are in a pajama material.

I thought to myself that this looked like Carol Brady (Brady Bunch) pajamas. No, says Google. She wore slightly more sexy PJs.

Apparently, in the world of Spanx, shapewear, people Photoshopping themselves to death on Instagram, being a normal person wearing normal undergarments (functional, thanks, yeah, I know) makes me geriatric.

You know what? Fine. The Golden Girls are back with a vengeance these days. I've actually watched many episodes. They are much more risque than I remembered during my original viewing in the 80s and early 90s.

At 38, you want to pin me into being old? Fine. If you're gonna make me be a Golden Girl, I choose Blanche. (Well, with a little bit of Dorothy, Sophia and Rose mixed in.)

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