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Channeling My Inner Kevin Gnapoor

When my kids were very little, I had a lot of trouble functioning throughout the day. I was very young myself and having eight or nine hours with two very small people tended to throw me for a loop.

I did all sorts of crazy things to keep them entertained (Painting with pine cones! Sitting outside the library and reading ALL the books we picked out! Riding bike to the pool!) but, still...that's a lot of time to kill.

My husband suggested we get a schedule. Have a set plan for every day. Of course, my being the idiot that I am, I took it extremely literally. (Why I have a penchant for to interpret things in a literal sense is lost on me.)

From 9 to 9:30 we play puzzles! From 9:30 to 9:45 we color! Things like that.

Except...at 9:15 we were done with puzzles and the colors were missing and OH MY GOD WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE HERE. Quick, hurry kids, someone snap a picture of Mom so that she looks good in the photo that will make the news. Oh wait, no, I am still wearing a pajama  bra and I have a penchant for over-sized t-shirts and my hair is sticking straight up.

I really just couldn't understand the concept of a routine. A flow to my days.

Flash forward ten or so years and we're on summer break. I still suck at this. Teens and tweens are incredibly hard to wake up (until I release the hound). I tend to wake up around 8 because I need to live a little before I'm back to the rise and shine hour of 5am during the school year.

It's hot here. Yesterday, we FINALLY decide just to go to the community pool (which is overpriced and always freezing). We get there and it is closed. Lightning and thunder.

We get gas and go back, as the 20 minute closure is supposed to end. Lightning again.

We go home, much to the dismay of one of the kids and I take a nap because, at this point, I'm starting to lose it and napping helps calm me down.

I wake up and it's still dark and stormy outside. I call the pool. Yes, they're open but no the diving boards aren't. Why have a pool with a high and low dive if you're only going to open them for TWO HOURS?

We end up at the smaller bug-filled pool of the community center where a teenage guard tells me I'm not allowed to use the pool noodles. So I'm standing there, having my kids practice all their body slamming wrestling moves on me. My husband starts a game that's basically, kill mom. Get her.

(That's your whole plan? Get her?)

It ended up being okay. I didn't want to go but I'm glad I did. I'm glad I swam in the water with my family. (It's a lot less boring than floating on the pool noodle, that's for sure.)

As I get older, (woohoo 38) I still have to force myself to do the things I don't really want to. I don't wanna end up being Grandma (or Auntie or Whoever) on the bench saying no, really, I'm fine here. I ENJOY watching you swim and ride roller coasters while I sit and try not to get covered in bird poop. Seriously, have fun, y'all!

This is GREAT! I imagined being the lady on the bench my entire childhood and now it's my turn! LIVING. THE. DREAM.

While I may still suck at schedules and routines (especially now that the kids are old enough to always insert opinions where needed), I can still have fun. It might just have to be in smaller increments.

Any day where I don't end up on the goddamn bench is a good one, that's for sure.

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